When I Grow Up…

Remember when you were a kid and it was always clear what you wanted to do with your life and it was super easy to get there. You just had to wish hard enough.

Look at Barbie, she could be a doctor by day and a scuba diver by night all whilst being a mother and maintaining her relationship with Ken, despite that coming to an end. Did anyone ever think that maybe the idealistic life of Barbie could be damaging in the future? Give young girls false hope and allow them to have a relaxed attitude about their career because, anything is possible! I am the prime example of that.

Nothing against Barbie though, she is the original Queen!

I admit to being one of those people who have this fabulous idea and plan exactly how I’m going to get there. Then once I told everyone my master plan, I would totally forget about it. Not necessarily because I didn’t want to do it anymore but because, mainly, I just never thought about it again, almost like I had amnesia.

One thing I always knew was that I wanted was to study the Performing Arts. Okay, time for some background info on me… As a child I was attention seeking, loud and chatty…. I haven’t changed that much if you wanna go there. I took drama lessons any time I could and I would feel my life was over when I didn’t get the main roles in my Primary school plays. I studied Drama GCSE, then went onto study it at college after hating one year of As levels, I moved onto the BTEC in Performing Arts.

Sidenote: I did my Philosophy exam and got a U, my mum still doesn’t believe that I actually sat the exam, she’d rather live at peace ‘knowing’ I just ‘didn’t attend’ Ha! 

After three years in total at college I went onto university…. BA Performing Arts… I can honestly say, uni is never what you expect it’s going to be. I thought I was going to read all these amazing plays and audition in my spare time and write these insightful essays that would blow my tutors away…. Let me break it down on how it really happened….. This doesn’t mean it will be that way for you, this is just what I did. Perhaps you’re better of using the info below for on ‘What Not To Do’.

First year: PARTY, PARTY, PARTY. This was the year I experienced my real first hangover. You’d think I would have felt guilty for focusing more on the social side than the educational side, but to be honest, first year is the year that you should be finding your place. Socialise with everyone, say yes to invites, but keep in mind, you are there to learn something, so get yourself together after vomiting and attend that lecture… something will go in!

Second Year: PARTY SOME MORE! BUT! Start paying attention, because you are basically catching up on first year, and because you are more settled in your surroundings, this year will go by quickly!

Third Year: WHAT HELL IS THIS? You are slowly adjusting that this is it! You need to buckle down if you haven’t already and love your friends every day. Whether you like it or not, this is the last time you’ll be hanging out with some of these people. Now I know this sounds depressing, but people move on and move back home or even to different countries and you have to adjust. Hey, I’m still adjusting to keeping in touch with people and seeing them enough. But the true friends will always understand that it’s not easy and when you do speak, it will be like you never left each others side.

Anyway, back to the point of this blog post. I graduated over two years ago and I’ve gone from job to job and only went to one audition! One! So what I was so sure I wanted to do, kind of drifted away. I thought maybe working behind the scenes is my calling (surprisingly). So rather than being a star, I would make a star. I started an internship at an agency, and although I didn’t stay there permanently I LEARNED SO MUCH! Not just about the business but also about myself. I learned that I can catch on things quickly, I write pretty good emails and I have a badass phone manner (in a good way). I really came into my own in that job, but the hours were all day and every day. And to be honest, I am not they type of person that can sit in an office all day. I started to get ill and stressed out, my skin was way paler than it should be naturally, so it was time to leave. Still with no clue on what I wanted to be.

I do work now, but I’d rather keep that private for now… nothing bad… just wanna get my feet wet in this whole blogging thing before I share.

Is the job I have now what I want to do for the rest of my life? Not really. But it’s rewarding and I enjoy it, the hours suit me and gives me time to try other things which, as you can see, is extremely important for me.

Since the new year, my social feeds are flooded with people saying this is their year and they are gonna boss it! Great for them! Honestly, that’s amazing that people have plans and goals. But then it raises the question for me: Why am I confused rather than celebrating? What did everyone else do right that I didn’t?

I guess by writing this blog post, I’m letting others know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! ‘Cue Michael Jackson song!’

Deciding what to do with your life is a big decision and shouldn’t be decided solely on social pressure or panic. What kind of life is that? Right now, I have an income and as long as I work hard at that then I’m not wasting time and who knows what comes round the corner. If 2016 showed me anything, it’s that I can think on my feet and I’m pretty lucky to have such a supportive family and friends. And I wanna show support to anyone reading this. We’ll figure it out and in a few years when we’re working our dream jobs or looking after our wonderful family. We will laugh at ourselves for putting so much pressure on ourselves. Things fall into place, but that doesn’t mean we sit and wait. It will only come if we prove to ourselves we deserve it.

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